


A Gold Star for Me

by squjshy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Short, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-28 00:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6306730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squjshy/pseuds/squjshy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If this is what five years of loving you feels like, then I'd hate to be held in your arms for even a moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Gold Star for Me

**Author's Note:**

> This story is just to test out the archive, how it works, and to test my writing skills after almost two years. Thanks for understanding!

In grade school, my teachers would give me stickers when I'd complete a color sheet without messing up the lines - or when I would use the bathroom all by myself. While I gradually matured, I had realized why they had given me shiny plastic stars as rewards. I was too young to realize what little meaning they had, other than their metallic decor. 

Not again - never again.

"You're annoying." I could hear his voice ring in the back of my mind like an hourly bell. Five years, I thought, five years - and I'm still living in the hell I'd call my life. I'll smile for you until my face turns blue, but you won't return my call. Don't call me your lover, or your best friend, both sound unappealing. Don't text me about your girlfriend and your scholarship to Yale - I don't want to hear it. Actually, I do. I'm lying, I'm always lying. I want to hear about your issues, about your girlfriend and full-ride to Yale. I want to listen because I'm just too young to know otherwise. I'm too naive to walk away, and I'm too afraid to turn my back. I can't pay my bills on time and my mother is in the hospital with thyroid cancer, but somehow, someway, you're the only thing I'm thinking of.

I knew it - that I loved you - when you dated my best friend in the seventh-grade. She was a bitch, and I mean it when I say, you looked miserable with her. You looked miserable with your ninth-grade girlfriend and your junior-year girlfriend. You never looked happy. Well, you did - _once_. It was our eighth-grade year, you and I had been talking for hours on hours and we had gotten carried away with our conversations by the fifth hour. 

_"Dan, would you ever date a guy?_  
I shrugged in response, "I hadn't thought of it." Lies.  
_"I had. If I weren't dating Alyssa, I'd be dating a close friend of mine."_  
"Who'd that be?" I said a bit too quickly.  
_"Well.."_ , I could feel my muscles tighten, _"It'd have to be a close friend of mine..."_  
"Like who?"  
_"The only guy I've ever kissed..."_ , my heart dropped to my stomach, _"PJ, most likely - oh did I tell you him and Chris finally got together!"_

"No.. no, you didn't."

That night was hell for me. I cried for far too long, longer than I can remember. I _can_ remember my mother coming into my bedroom with a cup of coffee for me the very next day. I had convinced her to keep me home from school for the rest of the week and she happily complied. The very next Monday I distanced myself from you and PJ because you made me sick. Not for the reason you'd think - about you kissing a boy, specifically him - but after three breakups, after years of lending you a shoulder to cry on, you hadn't even thought of holding me in your arms. 

But, hey, look on the bright side - if this is what loving you for five years of loving you feels like, I'd hate to be in your arms for even a moment.


End file.
